The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever

Key takeaways

The book is built around 7 questions:

• Kickstart question: “What’s on your mind?”. A fail-safe way to start a chat and turn it into a real conversation.
• AWE question: “And what else?”. Challenges to explore more options that can lead to better solutions.
• Focus question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”. Helps slow down impulsive action and address the core problem instead of jumping to fix the first issue that appears.
• The foundation question: “What do you (really) want?”. Critical to recognize the difference between wants and needs. The latter is usually the reason behind the wants.
• Lazy question: “How can I help?”. Forces your colleague to make a clear and direct request. It also stops you from thinking that you know how best to help and jumping into action.
• Strategic question: “What will you say no to if you say yes to this?”. What you must say “no” to in order to make the “yes” possible.
• Learning question: “What was most useful for you?”. There is a “double-loop” learning. If the first loop is trying to solve a problem, the second loop is creating a learning moment (aha moment).

In addition to the 7 questions, the book presents the 3P framework—a useful tool for structuring conversations and identifying discussion topics:

• Project
  • Challenges around the actual projects. The easiest way to start and will be familiar to most of us. It’s the stuff that’s being worked on.
• People
  • Any issues with colleagues, team members. other departments, bosses, etc.
• Patters
  • Self-limiting behaviors and habits that prevent you from performing at your best

Summary

This book provides an excellent foundation for first-time managers looking to strengthen their leadership skills. Transitioning from an individual contributor—where you handle everything yourself—to a manager who accomplishes goals through their team can be challenging. The book helps managers resist the instinct to immediately solve problems themselves or rush to offer solutions.